Peace for Love

for too long my window couldn't be opened

for fear of freedom,

you kept me at bay.

but watch me air my opinions now,

do you have anything to say?

took my books away,

you didn't want me to grow up,

take my pen away,

you don't want me to rebel.

all you see are malleable minds,

you cannot see the soul that dwells inside,

wanting to fly, waiting to outshine you all.

who would've thought

all your big talk,

all the propaganda

is just your mask of greed.

i admit defeat,

you will not change,

power calls, its voice to great,

but just you wait,

the truth will prevail

and how will you hide,

how will you run,

when the fire you suppressed comes roaring out.

so finally, i unlock my window,

watch my wings,

they've grown beautifully wrong.

you clipped them back but it wasn't enough,

can't shut me up without compromising yourself.

you lied to us,

took away our voice,

but hear me sing now,

what do you have to say?

i say bring them home,

let there be peace for love,

fireplaces and living rooms deserve a man at home,

been empty too long while you fought

too long, too long this despair you brought,

disguised as duty,

you know nothing of it.

so hear me sing

what have you got to say?

Transcendental

Her mind was an open field;

He reveled in its spaciousness,

Dancing in the splendour of its simplicity.

Her hands grew hot,

Glowing like an ember.

Their eyes met from across the room,

Impossibility forgotten,

They invited each other into what was once separate.

There were no impediments to the connection,

It pulled them together,

Enclosing them in a haven of blue light,

Calm, beautiful and everlasting.

She loved him with all her heart

And he's stopped warding off the insanity.

Such a sweet consequence of sin this was,

He did not care that her powers were terrifying,

She did not care that he knew of her most closely-guarded secret.

The universe descended upon them,

A blanket of night sky,

The backdrop to their northern lights.

This love was transcendental,

An ascension claimed their hearts,

They were no longer apart,

That amazing blue light sealing their bond,

Their hands touched

And the future exploded.

Cancer Boy

the simplest things would set him off

off and away on a voyage of his own

and he drowns in the murky, tainted waters

of his zodiac.

i could only watch in despair

and frustration grows

at a loss as to what there is for me to do

to bring him back home.

i am a hypocrite walking away

but my heart constricts

and my belly churns

ordering my feet to take me into space.

i breathe alone,

my nicotine-laced exhalations

murdering the environment.

my love is solid,

a physical corporeal being engulfing the earth.

in decadence i indulge

choosing to forget the life i have to lead

selective of my memories and fantasies.

he is the one

perfect

i know this in the deep chasms of my soul

but. my experience and my mind is waging war

on my delirious heart.

we have reached a stalemate,

cancer boy and i.

i hug him,

hoping for my light to transfer

unto him like osmosis.

such an ugly dying world we occupy

beauty only a notion in our eyes

i cannot carry this

the weight of water is crushing on me

calm down, Cancer Boy,

i am not a mirage,

i am yours to have

for as long as you would have me.

2009

I have been losing this year.

I've lost my sense of self,

I've lost love, time.

My identity stolen,

appropriated by thieves.

My freedom restrained by responsibility,

I've fought for my lover and my friends,

unreciprocated.

Everything broken,

Only my faith and conscience intact.

I close my eyes to wish for silence,

opening my heart to no avail.

I am a shadow,

under a canopy of leaves and dust.

I am secret,

a dream realised too soon.

I am not who I am,

I am who they want me to be:

a future, a rectification of their mistakes,

an immortal to their imminent death.

I am not a daughter or a friend,

I am a fallback,

a bravery for their fears,

a conduit for blame of their shortcomings.

I am not a person,

I am a doll,

beautiful and malleable.

Why am I still here?

Yale

Soft music creeps up the stairway,

Subtle beats like ballerina footsteps,

Bass lines chasing piano arpeggios.

I turn my eyes upward,

My hands on the wooden banister,

I walk slowly,

The music behind me like a draping cape of promises,

of wonder and awaiting amazement.

He had the most prolific library,

Boastful and bursting,

Leather-bound first editions,

teetering cracked spines,

Rare paperback novels,

Collections of essays and poetry,

And scores of lined paper,

covered in ink and some empty,

waiting to become a store of memories and fantasies.

As I leave it behind me,

Walking up towards him

as if I was walking into the sun,

I hear him call my name,

the sound sweeter than music.

I see his hands beckoning me closer,

And as I close my eyes to breathe him in,

He pulled me closer,

And all thoughts of books disappear.

Transcending

i work with papers and pens,

you work with electricity at your fingertips.

i see the light,

you bring the dark.

we are perfect for each other,

water and earth reveling in the night sky.

northern lights to your ecstasy,

my hands burning with blue light.

i carry full bags under my eyes,

stained black with days-old mascara.

i look into yours,

such warmth and strangeness,

you enchant me into believing.

time passes without meaning,

waves of good and evil,

bringing you to your knees,

bringing tears down my cheeks.

Restrictive Covenants

Shadows of my past creep under my skin,

The anger, impatience and faithlessness,

I suppress the blackness of my heart,

Allowing only light to be showcased from my laughter.

The hatred long-replaced by hippie carefreeness,

I am no longer accustomed to keeping secrets,

My heart a harbour hidden behind eloquence,

No one knows.

No one knows what lies beneath,

A poison seeping in, catalysing madness.

He looks at me as Brendan looks at Lia,

Amazed and afraid,

he treads on broken glass to get to me.

Having finally let go of despairing encumbrances,

I am fighting tooth and nails to stay away,

Away from the constraints of love.

I am no longer broken, yes,

but I do not want to open myself up yet.

I carry the guilt like a gypsy,

Hoping, praying, that unspoken promises would be enough.

I cannot be moulded,

My skin sheds like a snake's,

I am earth but I am not clay.

For both our sakes,

Let the pieces unfold without overwhelming consequences,

I am trying not to run,

But please do not restrain me, do not despair if I do.