Sunday, November 28, 2010


I have been losing this year.
I've lost my sense of self,
I've lost love, time.
My identity stolen,
appropriated by thieves.
My freedom restrained by responsibility,
I've fought for my lover and my friends,
Everything broken,
Only my faith and conscience intact.
I close my eyes to wish for silence,
opening my heart to no avail.
I am a shadow,
under a canopy of leaves and dust.
I am secret,
a dream realised too soon.
I am not who I am,
I am who they want me to be:
a future, a rectification of their mistakes,
an immortal to their imminent death.
I am not a daughter or a friend,
I am a fallback,
a bravery for their fears,
a conduit for blame of their shortcomings.
I am not a person,
I am a doll,
beautiful and malleable.
Why am I still here?


Soft music creeps up the stairway,
Subtle beats like ballerina footsteps,
Bass lines chasing piano arpeggios.
I turn my eyes upward,
My hands on the wooden banister,
I walk slowly,
The music behind me like a draping cape of promises,
of wonder and awaiting amazement.
He had the most prolific library,
Boastful and bursting,
Leather-bound first editions,
teetering cracked spines,
Rare paperback novels,
Collections of essays and poetry,
And scores of lined paper,
covered in ink and some empty,
waiting to become a store of memories and fantasies.
As I leave it behind me,
Walking up towards him
as if I was walking into the sun,
I hear him call my name,
the sound sweeter than music.
I see his hands beckoning me closer,
And as I close my eyes to breathe him in,
He pulled me closer,
And all thoughts of books disappear.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


i work with papers and pens,
you work with electricity at your fingertips.
i see the light,
you bring the dark.
we are perfect for each other,
water and earth reveling in the night sky.
northern lights to your ecstasy,
my hands burning with blue light.
i carry full bags under my eyes,
stained black with days-old mascara.
i look into yours,
such warmth and strangeness,
you enchant me into believing.
time passes without meaning,
waves of good and evil,
bringing you to your knees,
bringing tears down my cheeks.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Restrictive Covenants

Shadows of my past creep under my skin,
The anger, impatience and faithlessness,
I suppress the blackness of my heart,
Allowing only light to be showcased from my laughter.
The hatred long-replaced by hippie carefreeness,
I am no longer accustomed to keeping secrets,
My heart a harbour hidden behind eloquence,
No one knows.
No one knows what lies beneath,
A poison seeping in, catalysing madness.
He looks at me as Brendan looks at Lia,
Amazed and afraid,
he treads on broken glass to get to me.
Having finally let go of despairing encumbrances,
I am fighting tooth and nails to stay away,
Away from the constraints of love.
I am no longer broken, yes,
but I do not want to open myself up yet.
I carry the guilt like a gypsy,
Hoping, praying, that unspoken promises would be enough.
I cannot be moulded,
My skin sheds like a snake's,
I am earth but I am not clay.
For both our sakes,
Let the pieces unfold without overwhelming consequences,
I am trying not to run,
But please do not restrain me, do not despair if I do.

Friday, November 12, 2010


His name is familiar to my mind,
Yet strange on my tongue,
His words like deja vu,
Everything I've only ever dreamed about.
Time stands still,
Rushing past with no effect.
Inspiration no longer eludes me,
My soul safe, tied to his
The world disappears as I close my eyes against his.
He looks at me and my heart stops,
My thoughts halt mid-sentence
And I am at peace.
It's still surreal,
this perfection.

He Stood, Regal Against A Blue Light

Every little touch,
Every lust-filled look,
Like feather-tipped clouds,
Brushing across my skin.
I stand unclothed before you,
Watching you watching me.
Every missed call,
Every unread letter,
Lingers in my mind,
Like pyrotechnics wishing for electricity.
I watch you smoke,
Your face beautiful and calm,
You hold my hand and
the world falls away,
into silence.
A connection like nothing before,
A certainty incomprehensible.
You are in my heart,
You always have been,
You were the answer all along,
How could I have missed it?

Running in the Dark, Looking for the Swings

I watched her walk away,
Her dress white and short,
I could see into her mind,
She wanted to run,
To taste the freedom in the wind she created,
To dance to the beat of her feet hitting the gravel.

I watched him chase after her,
A love story unfinished in his mind.

She is alone and better off that way,
He cannot fathom how love could not be enough.

I watched her look back at him,
As he struggles to keep up,
Her soul like fireworks on New Year's Eve,
Saying goodbye to him.
I watched her laugh,
As he struggles to come to terms with her terms.

I watched her finally understand,
And I watched her watching me,
A genuine smile slowly forming on her pouting lips.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Last Days

Flowers form a ring around my fingers,
fragrant and poisonous,
dangerous beauty on my skin.
I look up to the sky,
a blinding blue,
ridiculous in its lightness.
Love dances around me,
fueling the air with freedom.
A peacock sits regally on my lap,
unnoticed, a myriad of colours.
The last days are here,
descending like angels of destruction,
peace beats still in my heart,
a yearning for silence and slowness, stillness.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Light Changes When You're In The World

It's been a while since I've written in permanence,
A while since I last understood,
Too long since I last communed with the universe.
But now I know,
Love is never a decision,
Never a choice.
It needs to run free-willed in my veins,
Not a thought or a notion,
Not a relationship or a definition.
Let me catch your dreams,
Allow me to tread your waters.
Time stands still and true,
Ineffective as we kiss,
Hours turn into minutes,
Minutes feel like seconds,
Each moment ephemeral,
I lose myself, my soul in the changing light of the world.


It burned in silence.
I watched the flames taking over,
beautiful and dangerous.
The voices said their goodbyes
and the night became filled with light.
I watched it burn,
vengeance dictating my heartbeats.
The city is not safe tonight,
I made sure of it.

Saturday, November 6, 2010


Her dark eyes held forgotten memories and sold secrets. With the ocean crashing and breaking around her bare ankles, she gathered her skirts carefully, almost as if she was gathering her courage. From between her legs came a deep call, a whirlpool of a current of maddening desire, overpowering rationality and bringing her gasping, begging for a visit from sin. A full moon rose, big and lonely, occupying the night sky, taunting and teasing her pheromones, haunting her waking dreams.
His hands absent from her skin.
Her lips meet only air as his words fall from grace, turning from promises into lies. She gathered her skirts, her knuckles turning white from the pressure of her fingers clenched tightly upon the silks, almost to the point of breakage. As her heart beats to the rhythm of the rising tide, she turns her face defiantly up to the moonlight. Insanity whispered softly , sweetly invocating her infatuation. With the stable half of her mind gone, and with barely enough control, she breaks her skirts, tearing the fabric as if she was tearing at her soul. Tears going home.
His hands absent from her skin.
Alone and walking naked, she was welcomed into the sea. Memories drowned and secrets unraveled as her tears went home. From between her legs, the call rang hollow and unanswered. From within her heart, love manifested into wreckage as its call echoed back unrequited.
His hands
Beautiful in its uselessness
Perfect like a professionally-taken photograph
His words
Rare as its occasion
Perfect like prose poetry
Quickly becoming a scarce commodity
As the sea claims her and damn
His hands absent from her skin.