Sunday, May 31, 2009

Dangerous Angels

Dust gathers in my arms, coating your void.
I've made my decision, I'm sewing shut my mouth,
Sealing in my secrets and kisses.
I'm sewing shut my eyes,
Sealing in the hurt, the glass, the glamour.
I've been dangerous for far too long,
Growing and breaking my wings too many times
I've been procrastinating my insanity,
Building up the madness in my mind.
And so the gates open one fine day
The rush of schizophrenic seizures,
catatonic calls and overwhelming waves
Hit me all at once, fucked me up big time.
I was in love, and I was loved back
I had passion and I had a friend.
But society felt my fire had to be put out,
Woke me up from romanticism with cold water.
I had to be separated from a soul-mate,
Disattach me from supposedly dancing delusions.
My parents never knew, they shot their own daughter
I fell down like a dog falling from the night sky.
I'm broken up, not gonna bother keeping it together now.

....... just something from my 2006 archive.........

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Following recent events that caused the breakage of my heart and therefore my mind, I'm going back to face my demons and battle with my Borderline Personality Disorder. I cannot undergo psychotherapy or pharmacotheraphy so as to save my parents from distress, so I'm going to be self-learning coping skills. I do have some idea on how to proceed, and I am so sorry but I cannot seek social help. Someone I loved very much shouted at me last night to stop thinking selfish thoughts before hanging up on me and that was my trigger for wanting to deal with the fucking disorder, without burdening anyone else.
BPD has affected my life for too long and I had unknowingly allowed it to deteriorate my relationships. Before it can get any worse, I'm going to deal with it.
I don't know how long I'll be gone or if I'm ever coming back but tipsygypsywoman might act as a journal of my treatment.

Peace, Love, and Math,

Monday, May 25, 2009

Tabula Rasa

maybe i've run out of benefits of your doubt
you've put up with all my shit for way too long
maybe it's over for now but please don't shut me out
maybe love isn't enough but you are where i belong.

when you smile at me and you mean it
my world lights up and inflates, ready to fly
and when you hold my hand and tell me to sit
beside you, behind you, before you i would die
when you just look at me
i am happy beyond words and reactions
when you laugh with me
they don't exist, baby, the issues and complications.

so how 'bout a clean slate?
forget about the secrets and lies to date.
how bout we start over?
since we already have forever.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Gandhi vs Sid Vicious

Forgive me for having a dream.
Pragmatism has always been inherent in me
And in the bigger picture,
I understand the necessity of delayed gratification.

Maybe law school is too traditional in your opinion,
Maybe I should resist conformity,
But honey can't you see?
It's the only way I can think of to make a difference.

We share the same ideal,
I want to save the world and plant more trees,
You want to save the world and discover altenatives,
But you don't have the right
to dictate how I should go about it.
If I don't master the system imposed on society,
How the hell can I change it?

Maybe it's ok for you to fight guerrilla-style,
Anarchists in our own way,
We cannot reach a consensus
And I do not understand how we're so much alike yet
destructively different.
Maybe it's ok for you to take the harder road,
But honey can't you see?
I believe an inside job is more effective.

Forgive me for actualising my dream,
I'd love your support,
But I know it's not my place to ask.

A Different Kind of Goodbye

If it's ok with you, I'd like to say goodbye now
Remember the times I lost my mind?
I walked away as you were reaching for me,
My eyes closed just like my heart,
I left.
If it's ok with you, I'd like to say goodbye
To the moments when I broke your heart.

If it's ok with you, I'd like to make amends
Remember when I lied and you fell apart?
Can I atone and make it up to you, please?
If it's ok with you, I'd like to earn your trust back.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Do The Math

The many names given to a million shades of the same colour,
The 92 000 solicitors in Britain,
The summation of 3.14159,
The thoughts you thought of me,
It must all count for something...

Dainty crosses and dandelions on underwear,
Plastic trees and 3000 year-old mummies,
Best friends and soul-mates,
There's a story behind everything,
It must all count for something... somehow...

Sleep-filled nights and coffee-fueled days,
Scores of paper and hours poring over books,
Cigarette breaks and distant plans to quit,
There must be a light at the end of this tunnel,
and not another tunnel,
It must all count for something!

What's this about, silly clumsy occurrences,
Broken glasses and doctor's appointments,
Love would not stand down
And we're holding hands again.
That definitely counts for something, right?